What They Taught Me Wasn’t on the Syllabus

Posted on January 9, 2025

As a professor, I’ve taught hundreds of students. But some of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned came not from textbooks — but from what goes unsaid.

In education, we call this the hidden curriculum:
The unspoken rules, the invisible expectations, the quiet pressures that shape how we move through the world.

And for women — especially women who lead — this hidden curriculum is everywhere.

The Real Curriculum for Women in Power Sounds Like This:

• Don’t be too confident — they’ll call you arrogant.
• Don’t be too direct — they’ll call you aggressive.
• Don’t succeed too fast — you’ll intimidate people.
• Don’t show too much ambition — they’ll question your character.

We’ve been taught to lead, but not to own our power.
To speak up, but not to disrupt.
To excel, but not to shine too brightly.

And none of this was written down.
It was absorbed, inherited, and enforced — quietly.

What I’ve Seen — and Lived

In the pulpit, I learned to soften truth so I wouldn’t be “too much.”
In academia, I learned to mask authority in humility so I could stay “likable.”
As a coach, I see women carrying invisible rules they never agreed to — still playing small because of them.

And it’s time we call it what it is: conditioning, not truth.

It’s Time to Rewrite the Curriculum

Here’s what I wish we had been taught:

• Power is not a threat — it’s a tool. You can hold it with grace and still disrupt the room.
• Ambition is not selfish — it’s sacred. Wanting more doesn’t make you less spiritual or less of a woman.
• Being direct is not aggression — it’s clarity. You’re not responsible for other people’s discomfort with your truth.
• You don’t need to shrink to be safe. You get to take up space fully, boldly, and unapologetically.

Final Word

The hidden curriculum loses its power when we name it.
When we challenge it.
When we stop passing it down to the next generation of women leaders.

You don’t need to rewrite yourself to fit someone else’s lesson plan.
You get to write your own.

Because you weren’t meant to lead quietly.
You were meant to lead whole.